Abstract blue and black outlines of ospreys grace the cover of a recent book dominating discussion boards, local bookstore displays, and bestseller lists this year. Strangers: A Memoir of Marriage is a captivating and atmospheric narrative written by New York socialite Belle Burden, descendant of Babe Paley and heir to the Vanderbilt fortune. Burden’s memoir chronicles her sudden and unexpected divorce, initiated by her ex-husband just weeks into the pandemic lockdown of 2020.
The memoir is emotional, reflective, and honest, walking readers through the phases of heartbreak Burden experienced. Yet an equally striking and unsettling aspect of her story lies in the financial missteps that shaped the outcome of her divorce.
Burden’s substantial wealth was held in trusts established by her family—likely intended to preserve and protect those assets over time. Burden’s parents also required she enter into a prenuptial agreement as an added layer of protection. Nevertheless, a series of decisions ultimately placed much of her inherited wealth at risk.
Early on, Burden and her ex-husband entered into a prenuptial agreement which, while confirming her trusts as her separate property, also provided that income earned during the marriage would remain the separate property of the earning spouse. Under Virginia law, income earned during marriage is typically considered marital property, subject to equal distribution upon divorce. In marriages where both spouses earn comparable incomes—or where both bring significant independent wealth to the marriage—this distinction may have limited practical impact. However, in relationships where one spouse intends to leave the workforce or significantly reduce earning capacity to support the household, such a provision can produce starkly different outcomes in the event of divorce.
It is unclear whether Burden and her husband fully addressed this dynamic—specifically, that she would step away from compensated work and that her contributions to the home would be unpaid. At the time, Burden may have believed her trusts provided a sufficient financial safety net.
However, Burden significantly depleted—if not entirely exhausted—her trust assets to purchase two residences for herself and her husband: an apartment in Manhattan and a home on Martha’s Vineyard. Critically, both properties were titled jointly in her and her husband’s name. As a result, despite being funded almost entirely by Burden’s separate inherited wealth, these homes became marital property subject to division upon divorce.
According to her memoir, Burden’s husband later attempted to leverage this reality, asserting that she would need to buy out his interest in the properties to retain them. At that point, Burden lacked the liquidity to do so—her inherited assets had already been distributed from the trusts and invested into the real estate.
A few lessons may be learned from Burden’s memoir:
· Thoughtful Financial and Estate Planning Should Be Proactive, Not Reactive: While no amount of planning can eliminate all risk, there were safeguards that could have been put in place to further mitigate Burden’s potential for financial exposure. For example, more restrictive trust distribution provisions, the involvement of an active or professional trustee in major purchases, or careful structuring of title ownership could have preserved the separate character of those assets. Burden notes that trustees approved the emptying of her trusts to fund the purchase of her homes. While her trustees may have acted in the manner they thought best for Burden, more restrictive trust conditions, or perhaps requiring numerous trustees sign off on major decisions, could have prevented the unwise titling decision or the emptying of her trusts entirely.
· There is No Substitute for Communication and Education: Burden’s experience highlights the importance of communication and financial education. Many families avoid discussions about money—sometimes out of discomfort, and sometimes out of a misplaced sense of security. Burden recounts that her family routinely paid restaurant bills without reviewing them, simply placing a credit card on the check presenter with the assumption that funds were always available, and checks were always correct. That sense of financial inevitability proved misleading: when her father died, he left behind millions of dollars in debt, which the family was then required to address. This demonstrates that even significant wealth, absent careful oversight and education, can mask underlying financial vulnerabilities.
· Prenuptial Agreements Should Not Be Entered Into Lightly: Many people view premarital or prenuptial agreements as some kind of default protection of wealth—perhaps the reason Burden’s parents required their children enter into such agreements with future spouses. However, the financial results of prenuptial agreements are defined, in part, by a couple’s actions and financial decisions within the marriage. Lawyers and clients alike must anticipate and consider what could occur during the marriage, and couples should communicate regarding finances, earning expectations, and ambitions early on, especially if they enter into a premarital agreement. Burden’s attorney cautioned her against classifying wages as separate property, but Burden and her ex-husband proceeded anyway. Before Burden stepped away from her career, she could have attempted to renegotiate and amend the prenuptial agreement – but did not. These decisions (or lack thereof), coupled with the emptying of her trusts, proved costly.
For high-net-worth individuals, earning and accumulating money is not, by itself, a guarantee of long-term financial security or generational wealth. Effective planning requires collaboration with experienced professionals, as well as ongoing communication and education within the family.
At the same time, Burden’s story underscores a broader reality. While her losses were substantial, many individuals face far more precarious circumstances. Burden risked losing two residences—one a multi-bedroom apartment in Manhattan and the other a large, secluded home on Martha’s Vineyard. Many individuals, by contrast, struggle to retain a single shared home, lack the resources to buy out a former partner’s interest in the only residence they have, or are unable to obtain safe and secure housing on their own following divorce.
Burden also had advantages that are not universally available: strong family connections, continued professional engagement through pro bono legal work, and the opportunity—combined with talent and timing—to become a published author. For many, reentering the workforce after an extended absence or securing stable employment in the midst of personal upheaval is far more difficult.
Ultimately, Burden’s memoir illustrates a universal lesson: regardless of financial background—whether inherited wealth or modest means—failing to prioritize thoughtful financial and estate planning can lead to significant and lasting consequences.
Please email us at ttolson@schooleyfirm.com to receive an invitation to an evening that blends book discussion with practical insights into legal and financial planning. Schooley Law Firm is distinguished by its focus on client education and empowerment. Our goal is always to help individuals, couples, and families understand their financial goals and available options, while providing the knowledge, confidence, and resources needed to fully participate in financial decision-making within their relationships and households.